"Carolyn's stories are like a cozy blanket, a pair of stretchy pants, a lifetime movie, and a pint of ice cream to come home to after a DUMB! dating experience. It makes you breathe a sigh of relief and think "Phew! Its NOT just me!!!!!!". -- Ozlem (my hairdresser)

Love the blog Carolyn!! Just read every entry - it's all great! really interesting and a lot I could relate to-- it's hard for me to imagine you having any trouble meeting guys, but I love the honesty and openness of your voice.

Monday, January 18, 2010

"He's a Nice Guy, Just Not The Right Guy For Me"

Apparently I say this a lot, according to Steve, the FBI agent I met online. I remember when I first saw his picture. He looked rugged and handsome-- a manly man, which I like. Something about his picture said "law enforcement" (probably the full head of short, spiky hair) and in his profile, he said he liked his life to be "simple, simple, simple". I don't like drama either, but a potential cop who wrote 'simple' three times in one short paragraph, led me to believe this guy, himself, could very well be a 'simpleton,' so I clicked on the next profile.

The next day I got an email from Steve. On this particular dating site, you can track anyone who has clicked on you, so Steve knew I had checked him out and then moved on. He sent me an email. We talked a couple of times on the phone and it took about 20 seconds to realize that Steve is very smart and pretty funny too. We decided to meet for a drink at Firefly in Studio City-- a great place to meet online dates. I arrived on time (I believe it's important to be consistent with any relationship). Steve called me from his car to let me know he was running a few minutes late. I asked him if I could order him a cocktail. "What are you drinking?" he asked. "A lemon drop and it's really good," I said. "I feel like drinking a frou-frou drink too. Yeah, order me one of those." I liked this guy. A real man isn't afraid to order a 'girl drink'.

Anyone who has dated online knows that people rarely look like their pictures. I never understood why a woman would post an old picture of her former self. You're setting yourself up for guaranteed disappointment. Guys are visual beings so their first interest in you is going to be what you look like. Don't show them a picture of a younger you and then deliver an older model. One guy I know asked a woman why she posted a 10 year-old photo. Her response was, "I thought once you got to know me, you would love me". "She was lying about who she was before I even met her, " he said. "How can I trust someone like that?" Guys do it too, but women are usually more forgiving.

So, it's rare when your date walks in and he's actually more handsome than his photo. I thought, worst-case scenario, Steve would walk in with a few extra pounds and have a receding hairline, but he came in with a big smile on his face, tan and buff. He was really handsome. After we exchanged pleasantries, I asked to see his FBI badge. I've seen enough episodes of Dateline and 20/20 to know people lie, and what better place to lie than online dating sites? Steve seemed authentic, but it's always practical to see some identification anyway. He showed me his badge and cuffs, and lifted up his shirt slightly, where I saw the gun locked in his holster. I have to admit it's, really hot to be out with a gun-carrying FBI agent, who also commands his own SWAT team. I've dated enough guys who run when faced with danger, so it was nice to be out with a real man who would actually protect me.

It was last call and neither one of us felt like going home. I lived close by but didn't think it was smart to bring a guy back to my house, who I had just met. We sat in his car and talked for another hour before we kissed. It's always interesting kissing someone for the first time. Is he a good kisser? Is he aggressive, or more passive, romantic or rough, or, my favorite, a combination of all of the above? Steve was a good kisser.

We went out a couple more times-- He came over for dinner and I drove way out to the suburbs where he lived a couple of times. Our lives were very different. He's a suburban, baseball-coaching dad on a schedule and I'm a never married, kid-less producer who works 24/7, and travels as much as I can. I'm organized, but would not describe my life as "simple" by any means. If we were meant for each other, we would have worked it out, but we weren't, so we didn't and remain friends. Steve is actually a really nice guy, just not the right guy for me.

1 comment:

  1. I've run into some real crappy people on dating sites. What they say in their profile isn't true at all. I was wondering if there was a website where people blog the truth about some of these fakes and I found globogirls.com it's actually more of a social network thing for people who would like to meet travel mates from different countries. The good thing about it is that it's totally secure because they have the feature of video chatting with these girls so you'll not share your personal contacts unless you're 100% sure , One thing that I really liked was the tips on how to avoid scam and fraud.