"Carolyn's stories are like a cozy blanket, a pair of stretchy pants, a lifetime movie, and a pint of ice cream to come home to after a DUMB! dating experience. It makes you breathe a sigh of relief and think "Phew! Its NOT just me!!!!!!". -- Ozlem (my hairdresser)

Love the blog Carolyn!! Just read every entry - it's all great! really interesting and a lot I could relate to-- it's hard for me to imagine you having any trouble meeting guys, but I love the honesty and openness of your voice.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Transforming Lives... and 57 Orgasms (Part 1)

Scott 'winked' at me on an online dating site, so I read his profile. He described himself as "a healer and doctor who travels the world, helping people live extraordinary lives through personal transformation." With such a powerful claim, how could I not meet this guy?

Scott followed up the next day with an email, saying he was in town from Paris for a couple of days, and asked if I was free later that night. Since it was short notice, I suggested a neighborhood restaurant, where I know the staff and feel safe when meeting a total stranger from the internet.

About a dozen people were standing in the entrance when I arrived, but it was easy to identify Scott, since he's about six feet, four inches tall. He turned, smiled and introduced himself. He politely asked where I would like to sit and then pulled out the bar stool for me to sit down.

He spoke a lot about his work with severely ill people and how he helps transform their lives. He also mentioned he's an inventor and creates devices that help him heal others. "Like what?" I asked. "Anything I could buy on the market?"

He pulled out a small plastic item from his pocket. "This device contains rare earth minerals," he claimed. "You can put this item around practically anything and it will make it better." The stick looked like a miniature baseball bat filled with sand. "For instance," he suggested, "I could put this in your drink and the alcohol will taste better. He offered to place it in my cosmopolitan, which I thought already tasted pretty good. I was unsure of a guy, who I just met, putting some unknown substance in my drink so I laughed and joked, "Hey, that's a clever way to slip someone a roofie."

His response was, "Trust me, if we were having sex, and you were having 57 orgasms, I would want us both to be completely conscious and aware of one another. Sex is one of the most amazing experiences we have as human beings."

Scott put the stick in his own drink first, and then asked me to taste it. I rarely, if ever drink Scotch, so I did not notice any difference. He then placed the large swizzle stick in my drink and, after a few moments, he removed it. I took a sip. The tartness was gone, therefore making my cocktail a lot easier to swallow. I ordered another.

Scott talked a lot about healing the sick and transforming the lives of others, but not much about how he actually heals people, so I inquired about his practice. "What exactly is your process in identifying the problem and then fixing it?" Scott explained that he sees people's auras, energies, chakras and vibrations and then draws a picture of everything he sees inside and around that person. By being able to visualize their 'being', he can see where the strengths and weaknesses reside.

I wanted a more specific answer, so I asked him if he would give me an example, using me as the test subject. He agreed and then said, "You have a shadow on your left lung." Ok, hearing "shadow on my left lung" was not exactly what I was expecting. I immediately thought cancer and then realized "Oh shit, my health insurance just lapsed." My mind raced with paranoid thoughts, but I remained calm. "A shadow on my left lung?" I asked. "Well, what exactly does that mean and, more importantly, how do I get rid of it?"

"It means that-- when you were born, you were a happy and smiling girl, just like you are now," he said. "But your father and the people around you, told you life isn't that way. Life isn't always good, and you weren't supported in a positive way. You're still carrying that with you."

A shaman once told me that the lessons I need to learn in life will keep confronting me until I actually learn what needs to be learned. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't have a close relationship with my father. (Barking Up the Wrong Tree) I have no anger towards him, no pain, no suffering or regret. I just don't know him very well. But here I am, at a bar, with a complete stranger, twenty minutes into a conversation and he's telling me I'm carrying a shadow on my lung because of issues with my father. "Ok lesson, I hear you loud and clear!" Can I finally learn what I need to learn and move on?

So I asked Scott, "How can I, once and for all, transform my body and be free from issues clouding my lung?" "May I touch you?" he asked. "Sure," I said, as he placed his right hand on my heart and ran his left palm down my back. "Do you feel the energy opening up?" I can't really say I felt anything, however, I did imagine this shadow leaving my body. "It's all gone now," he said. "There's no reason for you to ever revisit that memory again. Just be in the moment and keep moving forward."

Wait. After 44 years of my father issues, was it really over? "Is that really it?" I asked. "I'm done with my father issues?" He replied, "Your dad may not have been the father you wanted him to be, but he's a divine being and he gave you life. You have no right to judge another divine being." It's so hard to argue with someone when they throw in the word 'divine'. But there was no denying his sperm penetrated the egg that divided multiple times and caused me.

"Say 'I love you dad'," said Scott as I swallowed the last gulp of my second cosmo. I declined. I wasn't feeling it. "What do you have to lose?" he said. "Come on, 'I love you dad'," he repeated. Ok. I finally gave in. "I love you dad," I said, "Is that ok?" Scott was persistent. "It doesn't have to be okay for me," he responded, "Is it ok for you?" I wondered how much longer I could be polite before I escaped home to watch the rest of "Sherlock Homes" which has been spinning in my DVD player since last Tuesday.

"I love you dad" I said repeatedly until it was so easy to say that I didn't care anymore. Scott then asked me to repeat those same words of 'I love you' to every man who has ever caused me grief. With two cocktails in my system, softened by the rare earth minerals, I easily pronounced 'my love' for every guy who has ever perceivably fucked up my life over the past two decades.

Wait a second... within an hour of meeting Scott, he talked about 57 orgasms, put a questionable foreign object in my drink and had me say repeatedly at the bar, "I love you daddy"?!

A woman I work with is always astounded by the type of men I meet. After telling her about Scott she asked, "Who is the most normal guy you've ever met online?" "That's easy," I said, "It was actually the guy who legally changed his name to Rock Star."